It gets pretty dark. I guess it Is heavy- just finding ways to cope with it. Mind hasn't been kind to me. Why am I self-sabotaging, I guess that's what I do best. Wish I could unlearn certain things- especially when it's my fault.
Ah, who would've thought you'd be going through the things you're going through right. Not me haha.
Trying to make sense of things that does Not make sense.
At least to me.
Life does not get easier.
Life.
How does it work? Everything’s uncertain and you’re just left with- faith. You gotta have faith to cope- to stay sane.
These feelings/emotions feel redundant and unnecessary. But maybe it’s just a form of self-defence. With everything that’s happening, it’s kinda impossible to know what’s valid and what’s not.
The country’s a mess, the paranoia is at an all time high, mini escapisms have turned into a depressing place (cough, social media, cough).
So I guess with whatever’s happening, you can’t help but to feel trapped (but also grateful that you’re still alive). But yea, trapped in a lot of ways. I guess this is where little joys come in- little things to look forward to, just anything to in a way, be a (hopefully a) healthy distraction.
Where am I going with this, I don’t even know. I just want this pandemic to end. And maybe I’d love to think less.
Oddamn these internal monologues and flashbacks.
Anyway when I feel like shiet- it’s random reminders like this that make me have a little bit of hope. What did I do to deserve all these good people in my life.
Life. Never thought I’d work here. When a friend sent a text; “hi, there’s a vacancy at my place if you wanna try. Here’s the jobscope”
First thing that came to mind was- “Woe, this sounds hard. Don’t think I’ll get it if I apply but wtv just gonna try my luck (since I was unemployed and really needed the money lol). So I applied- 1 month later got an email for an interview- one month later I got it.
Even when I got it I was like “let’s see if I can last a week”— 6 months later, I got confirmed :’)
Still scared and full of doubts honestly but just hoping for the best. Alhamdulillah, God knows best. Whatever happens, happens. ♡
One for the blog I guess.
